16-year friendship over when groom fails to include his BFF in bridal party, best friend bails on wedding entirely in retaliation: "He obviously doesn't view your friendship like you do"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
May 17, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

Do you have any childhood friends? Most of my oldest friendships were born in high school, but I do have a friend that I have knwon since we were six years old. We were sat next to each other in the first grade because our last names were close enough alphabetically; it was destiny. We were besties throughout elementary, middle, and high school, but since I moved away from my hometown for college and then even further after I got my degree, we've grown apart. We're still friends, and we'll catch up with each other over a big bowl of pho when I visit my parents, but I think neither of us would categorize one another as a "best friend" anymore.

It's normal for childhood friendships to shift as we age. In our story today, a 16-year friendship comes to an end when our protagonist realizes he is not as close to his bestie as he thought. Feeling rejected when he is not made a groomsman, he decides not to attend his friend's wedding at all. 

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  • 01

    AITA for bailing on my "best friend's" wedding after finding out I'm not in the wedding party?

    "He picked work friends he's known for like 2 years over me"
    via QUIN Bridal from Pexels
  • 02
    Known Jake for 16 YEARS (since we were 10) and always thought we were ride-or-di. Was super supportive when he met Sarah, helped plan the proposal, and he literally called me FIRST when she said yes. In years we became distant in terms of daily communication, but whenever we meet up it was like we saw each other yesterday.
    via u/OhhBeOne
  • 03
    Last month I casually asked about bachelor party plans and discovered not only am I not best man (fine, that's his brother), I'm not even IN the wedding party AT ALL. He picked work friends he's known for like 2 years over me and like he said that he didn't know if I could come since we are like a hour and half drive far from each other??
    via u/OhhBeOne
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10505652224
    via Зображення користувача Bogdan Sonjachnyj
  • 05
    When I asked why, he gave some about "keeping numbers even" with her side and like he said that he didn't know if I could come since we are like a hour and half drive far from each other??
    via u/
  • 06
    I technically was also saving up some money so that I can get a nice gift and get a nice suit. was going to use that money to fly across the country for their destination wedding. After finding this out, I made up a work excuse and bailed completely. Now Jake's blowing up my phone saying I'm being petty and his fiancée is saying I'm making their day "about me."
    via u/OhhBeOne
  • 07
    AITA for not wanting to watch my supposed best friend get married from the random guest section?
    via u/OhhBeOne

  • I don't really think the friend is the AH for not making our protagonist a groomsman. However, his shifty behavior and terrible excuses were totally uncalled for. He could've just been honest about his feelings. 

  • 08
    CLOO 0339 0330 creo 0933
    via Зображення користувача Bogdan Sonjachnyj
  • 09
    rocketmn69_ Tell her, "How can I make the day about me, when I can't even be there. Remember you guys thought I lived to far away to invite me to the bachelor party,
    via u/rocketmn69_
  • 10
    yet want me to travel even farther for the wedding? Something smells fishy. I thought we were closer than that. I really do wish you guys a great wedding and marriage. Cheers"
    via u/rocketmn69_
  • 11
    Used Clock_4627 It does sound funny if they are going on about distance and yet the wedding is a destination. Missing info, and OP's missing it.
    via u/Used_Clock_4627
  • 12
    WhispWirl Exactly this, OP! Like how are they gonna act like your friendship meant less than two years with some work buddies? That's not "keeping numbers even," that's straight up rewriting priorities. You were totally right to bow out...I'd be just as done!
    via u/WhispWirl
  • 13
    GuyJoan Bro you need to read this message, say all the best and just block them. What would it take for you to treat someone like that? You wouldn't because your not selfish.
    via u/GuyJoan
  • 14
    They don't value the relationship like you do - so them. f You'll have some money and time to do something for yourself instead.
    via u/GuyJoan
  • 15
    Humble_Nobody2884 That's some serious to pick a "work friend" over OP - I'd be ped too. Or... maybe this is disillusionment moment. OP truly sees that his "best friend" at best doesn't
    via u/
  • 16
    value him in the same way. At worst - his"best friend" is actually a shallow schmuck who never deserved his friendship in the first place. (BTW: bride-to-be sounds like a real peach, I'm thinking she and "best friend" deserve each other.)
    via u/Humble_Nobody2884
  • 17
    Cheezburger Image 10505652736
    via South_agency

  • It's pretty clear that our protagonist is not a priority for his long-time friend. That's just life!

  • 18
    Zombie Zookeeper NTA. How can it be about you if you aren't even there?
    via u/ZombieZookeeper
  • 19
    Endora529 NTA. Save yourself time and money. He obviously doesn't view your friendship like you do. Maybe his fiancée doesn't care for you? Move on from people who aren't your people anymore.
    via u/Endora529
  • 20
    ΝΤΑ Lithogiraffe Me thinks it's Sarah who doesn't like you and doesn't want you in the groom's party
    via u/Lithogiraffe
  • 21
    Gumby_Grown-Up Yeah, not really sure what else it would be. And I'd guess she's using the opportunity to twist it into her fiance that OP is a bad friend and should he dropped anyways. Hence the "making it about me". His ex-friend didn't come up with that line, I'd bet money.
    via u/Gumby_Grown-Up
  • 22
    Educational-Glass-63 This exactly. It's Sarah. This relationship is over. Be nice about but move on.
    via u/Educational-Glass-63
  • 23
    The-Centre-Cant-Hold This dude has moved on from the friendship you had. That happens. It's life. The question is how do you respond?
    via u/The-Centre-Cant-Hold
  • 24
    jcaashby Exactly my take. OP looks at Jake as a BFF but Jake does not view OP as a BF...just someone he hung with years back. OP just move on. It happens.
    via u/jcaashby

Tags

long term relationship friendship bride marriage besties Groomsmen groom wedding party AITAH best friends wedding drama bridesmaids relationships wedding breakup
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